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golf
 The Swan
Spring Golf Day - Friday 20th March "The 2010 Ryder Cup experience"
Celtic Manor
The Swan Winter Golf Day - Monday 29th December -
Cumberwell Golf Club
Controversy No. 2 - who
nicked the cracker?
First the good news.
Twenty four hardy golfers met at 7.45 for a course briefing at the Swan,
before leaving on the coach for Cumberwell Golf Club. The weather being
cold but bearable, a good day was had by all apart from Mr. Seward who was
somewhat miffed because his banker source of income i.e. the individual prize,
was not staged this year. A suitable song/chant was composed for the occasion!
Cards were drawn for the groupings, and the quartet of The Judge,
Spenney, Kev and James won the
competition with a total of 46 points. Longest drive produced a shock
result when Dangerous out drove everyone else. Hedgey won nearest the
pin on a rock hard 7th hole. It being Danny's birthday, he presented the
prizes. The day was finished off with a stop on the way back and a
Karaoke session at the Swan.
Now the bad news
The Swan Golf Society is rightly proud of its reputation of being
impeccably behaved when on society days. Many Golf clubs have commented
on our standard of conduct and behaviour, along with our unwavering
dedication to boosting their bar income. With this in mind, we totally
refute any accusations of theft. Admittedly, there was a large room next
to ours which was set out for the New Years Eve dinner/dance, but we are
totally confident no-one from our Society nicked a cracker from a
table.
If necessary we'll get that lawyer who got O J Simpson off several years
ago to fight our case.
Let them produce their evidence!! |
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Email from Mr. Carey
"Dangerous and Seward finding good use for the bin on the 17th at The
Players on Wed."
see golf snippet below |
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Spin
the Dick!
Spotted
in the Woo-Woo bar on a recent visit to The Molesworth Inn at Wadebridge -
this pic for will jog the memories of tour members!! |
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The Swan Autumn Golf Day - Friday 7th Nov -
Bath Golf Club
Participants |
Winning Team
Shorty, Cares, Seward & The Mayor
89pts |
Winner
Seward 39pts!! |
Nearest Pin
Almize |
Longest Drive
Puffer |
Expectant father
Joe |
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The Swan Summer Golf Day - Sunday 24th Aug -
The Park - Crown
Course
Winner
Dangerous 44pts!! |
Runner up
Lewey 38pts |
Winning Team
Sid, Rowey, Dangerous & 007
99pts |
Longest Drive
Rowey |
Nearest Pin
Snooks |
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The Swan v Essex Golf Day - Friday August 1st -
The Kendleshire
Golf Terminolgy
A Diego
Maradonna - Nasty little five footer.
An Adolf Hitler - Taking two shots in a bunker
An O.J. Simpson - Somehow got away with it
A Kate Moss - A bit thin
A Salman Rushdie - An impossible read
A Rock Hudson - Thought it was straight, but it wasn't
The Durex shot - sexy, if you can pull it off.
A Gerry Adams - provisional
A Tony Blair - a bad lie
The Mrs Robinson shot - you
should not be taking it on but it just looks so very tempting.
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
An Elvis - caught in a trap
A Dennis Wise - Another nasty little five footer. |
A Paula Radcliffe - Ugly,
but a good runner
A Kate Winslett - A bit fat but otherwise perfect
A Sister-in-law - Up there but I know that I shouldn't be
Putting like a gynaecologists assistant - Shaving the hole.
A Ladyboy - Looks like an easy hole but all may not be what it
seems
A Monica Lewinsky - All lip no hole
A Glen Miller - didn't get over the water
A Son-in-law" - not what you wanted, but it'll do
A Cuban - needed one more revolution
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Douglas Bader - no legs |
Golf Snippets
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After his recent hole in one, we have received an email from Mr Knowles
which asks us to :
"point out
that Messrs Seward, Dangerous and Ford are yet to achieve this feat!!!"
Current members of
the exclusive club:
Messrs. C Stone (twice), Carey, Short, Knowles, Bryant (anyone else?) |
| Shock Result |
Cares & Puffer destroy golf kings Seward &
Dangerous 3 & 2 at the Players |
| Annihilation 3 |
Cookie & Danny Mogg go down 6 and 4 to the
dream team of Dangerous & Seward on the Cromwell including 6 birdies!!!
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| Annihilation 2 |
Seward and the Mayor go down 6 and 5
without winning a hole to Dangerous and Knowlesy (off of 24???) |
| Dangerous |
Congrats. to reigning club champion Mark
Bryant who nearly did it again coming third in the Kobbler - 36 holes
- Crown & Cromwell |
| Seward |
After my round of 75, competitive
Seward had to do better. He went round in 73. (Crown Course)
Needs to be noted! - snippet from
Dangerous - cards to handicap secretary? - snippet from the Mayor
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| Dangerous |
Dangerous shoots 75 on the Crown in
the morning after a heavy night on the Natch following the Essex Golf
Day. Still 15 handidap??? |
| The Mayor |
23 points on the first nine holes at
the Kendleshire (v The Essex) to put them 5 up after nine - Scary's
contribution not required |
| Annihilation |
Despite the brave and valiant attempts
of Knowlesy, who felt as though he was carrying his partner -
Seward, they lost 7 and 6 to the awesome pairing of Pig and Dangerous -
Crown, The Park - July 08 |
| The One Show |
The Mayor joined the Swan exclusive
hole-in-one club with a majestic strike holing the par 3 sixth hole at
The Park. See picture above right - apologies for the Don Estelle
shorts! |
| Shorty 47 |
Shorty carded 47 points at Royal Mango
including 27 points on the front 9. Doris McSquirter, from the Guinness
Book of Records, is checking to see if this is a new world record! |
| Hole in 1 |
Knowlesy donned the plus fours, and
with his elegant and graceful swing, struck the ball sweetly landing
just past the hole, back-spin applying the finish. 4th Hole, Crown
Course, The Park, May 08 |
| Tour May 08 result |
Dangerous - Red Fleece, Coops -
overall winner, Rowey and Dangerous - weekend pairs winners |
| Golf result |
The Mayor 42 pts. (2 blobs, no dodgy
leg)- Snooks 39pts. Cromwell Course - The Park - Apr 2008 |
| Golf result (again!) |
Shorty 46pts (with 1 blob)!! -
carrying dodgy leg - Cumberwell - Apr
2008 |
| Scary |
The Mayor played golf with a
member of Kingsdown the other day. He worked for Avon Rubber at Melksham
and worked with a bloke nicknamed "Scary". Lives in Hanham, likes a pint
- can't place him!? |
| 300+ yards anywhere |
Dangerous as normal - lost
balls all over the course - needs to date as well as mark balls from now on |
| Belfry News 1 |
Snooks wins individual prize - still
unhappy - still not allowed any shoelaces or sharp implements |
| Belfry News 2 |
Puff Daddy majestic front 9 - half-way
house - can of Heineken reached the parts - wheels came off |
| 300+ yards Straight |
With the assistance of Nick Carter,
Dangerous corrects swing fault and is heading for scratch status |
| Worry & Concern |
Snooks is now on suicide watch -
game's falling apart - everything in his favour is going against him! |
| Golf Day 29th Feb |
Snooks in winning team - Bob, Phil,
Coops - plus wins individual - longest drive Rob - nearest pin - Fordy |
| Handicap bad news |
Snooks given 18 by The Park - do we
demand a recount? We could organise a petition. |
| Tour money |
Balance required by 16 March |
| Tour handicaps |
Surprisingly low handicaps for some on
the forthcoming 2008 Tour - we've still got the records! |
| Tour result |
Tubby and Coops have (almost) paid
their full tour money - they want an early settlement discount! |
| Golf result |
The Mayor 43 pts. - Snooks 39pts. -
Seward 36pts. - Crown Course - The Park - Feb 2008 |
| Golf result |
Shorty 46pts (with 2 blobs)!! - Kendleshire - Feb
2008 |
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The Swan Golf Tour 2008
May 8 to11
click on image for pics
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2008 Golf tour handicaps after final day
| Almize |
13.8 |
Darbs |
22.0 |
Fordy |
2.8 |
Shorty |
11.8 |
Seaweed |
0.9 |
Scary |
1.2 |
| Rowey |
4.0 |
Carts |
1.0 |
Stoney |
10.9 |
Dangerous |
6.2 |
Pig |
15.8 |
Snooks |
6.3 |
| Tubbs |
17.7 |
Puffer |
20.9 |
Joe |
31.0 |
Sid |
24.8 |
Lewey |
8.6 |
Barry |
16.8 |
| Britney |
9.8 |
The Mayor |
14.8 |
Coops |
25.0 |
Dags |
27.0 |
The Ferret |
17.4 |
007 |
19.0 |
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2007 Golf tour handicaps for the final
day (washed out)
| Almize |
13.4 |
Moggy |
18.2 |
Fordy |
1.0 |
Shorty |
12.2 |
Seaweed |
1.8 |
Scary |
3.6 |
| Rowey |
4.4 |
Badger |
15.0 |
Stoney |
11.8 |
Dangerous |
12,0 |
Pig |
20.5 |
Snooks |
9.3 |
| Tubbs |
17.7 |
Puffer |
22.7 |
Knowlsey |
19.8 |
Sid |
20.6 |
Lewey |
11.6 |
Pikey |
34.9 |
| Britney |
9.2 |
The Mayor |
16.0 |
Coops |
34.5 |
Dags |
25.0 |
The Ferret |
15.4 |
007 |
16.0 |
  The
Swan Golf Society was formed back in the early 1990's and organise
various society days out during the year, along with the infamous 4 day tour in
May ( going to Bournemouth in 2009).
We also play other pubs and currently hold the Swan v Essex salver which is
proudly displayed behind the bar (next to the golfing owl)! Current score Swan 4
Essex 0
Fixtures on the calendar include the summer golf day at the end of August
(usually the Sunday before the Bank Holiday), where the usual rubbish prizes are
there to be won. After the golf we return to The Swan for a BBQ and this
year we had a Karaoke session.
Quite a few of the regulars in the Swan are golfers and are members of local
clubs.
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