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golf
Tour 2010 details
Thurs 6th May until Sunday 9th
May
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Thursday
Playing at Bramshaw Golf Club on the Manor Course.
Full English Bramshaw breakfast on arrival. 18
holes of golf.
Tour 2010 countdown
clock
(days:hours:mins:secs)
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Friday
Playing at Dudsbury Golf Course. 18 holes of
golf. Plus Ham Egg & chips
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Saturday
Playing Meyrick Park Golf Club
18 holes of golf. Plus Lamb roast dinner.
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Sunday
Playing Bath Golf Course (Sham Castle)
18 holes of Golf. Plus Roast beef dinner &
desert.
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Golf Snippets
| Mayor gets battered |
Cares in supreme form hammers the Mayor 5
and 4. Kendleshire Feb 2010 |
| Birthday Massacre |
Birthday boy Cares and Shorty get hammered
7 and 5 by the awesome pairing of Dangerous and the Mayor.
Lansdown Dec 09 |
| Hole in One |
Knowlesy had a hole in one (for the second
time) on the Autumn jolly boys day out. He is finding it increasingly
difficult to understand why Seward and Dangerous cannot notch up their
first. (see pic below) |
| The Swan Majors |
The Mayor added the Swan Open to the Red
Fleece to complete a clean sweep of the 2009 honours. |
| Lessons for Shorty |
After scoring a disappointing 16 at Ross
on Wye (too many trees on the right), Shorty has booked some golfing
lessons at Stockwood Golf club with their miracle working professional.
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| Dorset Tour May 09 |
Fordy joins the hole in one club - see
below |
| Dangerous May 09 |
Net 60 on the Crown playing off 13 -
Handicap Secretary on the case - watch this space! |
| Kendleshire shock |
Dangerous and Seward from the Park beat
Cares and Shorty on their own tump!! |
| 2010 Ryder Cup |
Puffer reigns supreme at Celtic Manor -
see report below |
| Hallelujah!! |
Dangerous 12.6, Cooke 14.8 official
handicaps The Park - Feb 09 |
| Shock Result |
Cares & Puffer destroy golf kings Seward &
Dangerous 3 & 2 at the Players |
| Annihilation 3 |
Cookie & Danny Mogg go down 6 and 4 to the
dream team of Dangerous & Seward on the Cromwell including 6 birdies!!!
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| Annihilation 2 |
Seward and the Mayor go down 6 and 5
without winning a hole to Dangerous and Knowlesy (off of 24???) |
| Dangerous |
Congrats. to reigning club champion Mark
Bryant who nearly did it again coming third in the Kobbler - 36 holes
- Crown & Cromwell |
| Seward |
After my round of 75, competitive
Seward had to do better. He went round in 73. (Crown Course)
Needs to be noted! - snippet from
Dangerous - cards to handicap secretary? - snippet from the Mayor
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| Dangerous |
Dangerous shoots 75 on the Crown in
the morning after a heavy night on the Natch following the Essex Golf
Day. Still 15 handidap??? |
| The Mayor |
23 points on the first nine holes at
the Kendleshire (v The Essex) to put them 5 up after nine - Scary's
contribution not required |
| Annihilation |
Despite the brave and valiant attempts
of Knowlesy, who felt as though he was carrying his partner -
Seward, they lost 7 and 6 to the awesome pairing of Pig and Dangerous -
Crown, The Park - July 08 |
| The One Show |
The Mayor joined the Swan exclusive
hole-in-one club with a majestic strike holing the par 3 sixth hole at
The Park. See picture above right - apologies for the Don Estelle
shorts! |
| Shorty 47 |
Shorty carded 47 points at Royal Mango
including 27 points on the front 9. Doris McSquirter, from the Guinness
Book of Records, is checking to see if this is a new world record! |
| Hole in 1 |
Knowlesy donned the plus fours, and
with his elegant and graceful swing, struck the ball sweetly landing
just past the hole, back-spin applying the finish. 4th Hole, Crown
Course, The Park, May 08 |
| Tour May 08 result |
Dangerous - Red Fleece, Coops -
overall winner, Rowey and Dangerous - weekend pairs winners |
| Golf result |
The Mayor 42 pts. (2 blobs, no dodgy
leg)- Snooks 39pts. Cromwell Course - The Park - Apr 2008 |
| Golf result (again!) |
Shorty 46pts (with 1 blob)!! -
carrying dodgy leg - Cumberwell - Apr
2008 |
| Scary |
The Mayor played golf with a
member of Kingsdown the other day. He worked for Avon Rubber at Melksham
and worked with a bloke nicknamed "Scary". Lives in Hanham, likes a pint
- can't place him!? |
| 300+ yards anywhere |
Dangerous as normal - lost
balls all over the course - needs to date as well as mark balls from now on |
| Belfry News 1 |
Snooks wins individual prize - still
unhappy - still not allowed any shoelaces or sharp implements |
| Belfry News 2 |
Puff Daddy majestic front 9 - half-way
house - can of Heineken reached the parts - wheels came off |
| 300+ yards Straight |
With the assistance of Nick Carter,
Dangerous corrects swing fault and is heading for scratch status |
| Worry & Concern |
Snooks is now on suicide watch -
game's falling apart - everything in his favour is going against him! |
| Golf Day 29th Feb |
Snooks in winning team - Bob, Phil,
Coops - plus wins individual - longest drive Rob - nearest pin - Fordy |
| Handicap bad news |
Snooks given 18 by The Park - do we
demand a recount? We could organise a petition. |
| Tour money |
Balance required by 16 March |
| Tour handicaps |
Surprisingly low handicaps for some on
the forthcoming 2008 Tour - we've still got the records! |
| Tour result |
Tubby and Coops have (almost) paid
their full tour money - they want an early settlement discount! |
| Golf result |
The Mayor 43 pts. - Snooks 39pts. -
Seward 36pts. - Crown Course - The Park - Feb 2008 |
| Golf result |
Shorty 46pts (with 2 blobs)!! - Kendleshire - Feb
2008 |
Golf Day
26th Feb 2010 |

coffee & bacon roll
homemade steak pie
chips & peas
Coach |
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The Swan Winter Golf Day - Monday 28th December 2009 -
Cumberwell Golf Club
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The Swan Autumn Golf Day -
Friday 6th November 2009
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Nearest the pin
PIG |

Longest Drive
The Mayor |

Winning Team
Puffer, Shorty &
Fordy |

Overall winner
Shorty |

Hole in One for
Knowlsey |
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| The
Swan Summer Golf Day - Sunday 30th August -
The Park |

Tricky lie 1 |

Tricky lie 2 |
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Last year's
winner - Dangerous presents
the old putter to 2009 winner - The Mayor |

Winning Team
Terry, Derek & Nick |
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|
The Swan Golf Tour May 14 - 17 2009
Details and Links report to follow
2009 Golf tour handicaps after final day
| Almize |
13.6 |
Darbs |
24.5 |
Fordy |
7.9 |
Shorty |
14.6 |
Seaweed |
2.4 |
Scary |
5.4 |
| Rowey |
7.9 |
Carts |
1.3 |
Stoney |
6.2 |
Dangerous |
6.1 |
Pig |
16.8 |
Snooks |
8.6 |
| Knowlesy |
20.0 |
Puffer |
24.5 |
Joe |
34.0 |
Sid |
22.5 |
Lewey |
8.9 |
Barry |
15.3 |
| Spenny |
13.4 |
The Mayor |
18 |
Moggy |
24.4 |
Ben |
25.5 |
The Ferret |
18.5 |
007 |
22.8 |
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The Swan
Spring Golf Day - Friday 20th March "The 2010 Ryder Cup experience"
Celtic Manor
The hills were alive with the sound of sheep, as the Swan dirty dozen
made their way to the home of Welsh golf.
Twelve men taking on the big 2010 Ryder Cup course.
As we arrived, our own personal Welsh man collected our sticks and took
us to our own personal lockers. To say the clubhouse and its
surroundings were a bit posh is an understatement, but at least the
Mayor felt at home. Look at the view said the Mayor, where's the bar (?)
said a couple of others. I don't think Monty would have been to
impressed with our warm up, but why change the habits of a life time.
After a couple of throat stretchers, it was down to the practice area
for a another type of warm up. The starter asked puffer his tactics to
master the course. He replied - if the balls going forward it's another
shot nearer the bar! Wise words from the master of disaster.
The teams were drawn and battle was about to commence. The first
fourball out were Shorty, Puffer, Dangerous & Moggy D - nicknamed
numptys by the landlord. They were followed by the dream team of Lewy,
Rowey, Fordy & Care's. The last four to go out were Moggy J, the Mayor,
Pimmy & the mighty golfing legend Seward.
It took about 5 hours to get round but would have been quicker if lime
green boy had not jumped in - but then again if you pay £3.500 to join
you can do anything you want.
As the teams were sat on the balcony after their rounds, tales of wonder
shots came out, like the dream team all winning free rounds by hitting
the 10th green. Care's getting over the water in two on the par 5 18th -
only 545 yards! Shorty hitting a straight shot for once to win longest
drive & Dangerous just being dangerous.
Who won I hear you cry - of course team numpty took the team prize,
Shorty won the longest banana drive, Rowey nearest the pin and overall
winner was that well know golfing guru Puffer with a total score of 32
points.
Overall the opinion of the guys was the course was not in the greatest
of nick, but it was nice to say that we had played on the hollowed turf
and lost balls with the best of them.
After a hearty meal of mega portions it was back on the coach and off to
a choice of venues - St Mary Redcliffe church for a evening of brass
rubbing & organ cleaning, or a pub crawl of Hotwells (near God's
country), First stop the Nova Scotia, a nice little quiet
establishment that served a nice drop of rat tail cider. Over the road
to the Pump House for more rat tail cider, and then on to the Rose of
Denmark for some more rat tail cider. In the two hours, we had many a
laugh. Like the regular in the Nova who said he had drink rat tail all
his life and never been sick, shat himself a few times but never had
been sick, Spoofing in the Pump House and the Mayor tracking down a
piano in the Rose of Denmark and keeping the boys happy with playing his
full playlist from his no 1 album "Derek Duval plays - you hum it I'll
play it sing-along jive bunny stars on 45 mega party mix".
It was then back on the coach and heading back for Gerry's prices (thank
God £4 a pint at the Celtic Manor). There was still time for a quick
rendition of the top download song of the month "and Seward says you won
f-all". Joe said his farewells and the boys finished the night singing
away to Warren and thinking - where did it all go wrong - happy days.
A couple of quotes from the day:
"i dedicate that win for the common people of
Lower Hanham and surrounding area's" - Dave "Puffer" Riley.
"anyone know a good piano
tuner?" - Derek "The Mayor"
Duval.
"not gin again Shorty"
- Rich "mothers ruin" Carey.
"I loves this rat tail
cider - I can drink it all night" -
Mark "home by nine" (Dangerous) Bryant.
"best golf day ever,
Knowlsie" - Nick "golfing robot -
the wheels have come off" Seward
Great day out, thanks to the boys who
did the leg work once again. One things for sure you always know Swan
golf days are great days and it beats working ? happy days
yours in sport puffer.
ps
6 weeks till tour. even happier days!!
Thanks Big Man, a career (non-paying) awaits you in journalism - DB
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Longest Drive -
Shorty |

Nearest the pin
- Rowey |

Winning Team |

Individual
Winner - Puffer |
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The
Swan Winter 2 Golf Day - Friday 20th Feb -
Isle of
Wedmore

at "The Batch" |

Winning Team |

Longest Drive -
Rob |

Individual
Winner |

Nearest the pin
- Joe |
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The Swan Winter Golf Day - Monday 29th December -
Cumberwell Golf Club
Controversy No. 2 - who
nicked the cracker?
First the good news.
Twenty four hardy golfers met at 7.45 for a course briefing at the Swan,
before leaving on the coach for Cumberwell Golf Club. The weather being
cold but bearable, a good day was had by all apart from Mr. Seward who was
somewhat miffed because his banker source of income i.e. the individual prize,
was not staged this year. A suitable song/chant was composed for the occasion!
Cards were drawn for the groupings, and the quartet of The Judge,
Spenney, Kev and James won the
competition with a total of 46 points. Longest drive produced a shock
result when Dangerous out drove everyone else. Hedgey won nearest the
pin on a rock hard 7th hole. It being Danny's birthday, he presented the
prizes. The day was finished off with a stop on the way back and a
Karaoke session at the Swan.
Now the bad news
The Swan Golf Society is rightly proud of its reputation of being
impeccably behaved when on society days. Many Golf clubs have commented
on our standard of conduct and behaviour, along with our unwavering
dedication to boosting their bar income. With this in mind, we totally
refute any accusations of theft. Admittedly, there was a large room next
to ours which was set out for the New Years Eve dinner/dance, but we are
totally confident no-one from our Society nicked a cracker from a
table.
If necessary we'll get that lawyer who got O J Simpson off several years
ago to fight our case.
Let them produce their evidence!! |
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Email from Mr. Carey
"Dangerous and Seward finding good use for the bin on the 17th at The
Players on Wed."
see golf snippet below |
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Spin
the Dick!
Spotted
in the Woo-Woo bar on a recent visit to The Molesworth Inn at Wadebridge -
this pic for will jog the memories of tour members!! |
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The Swan Autumn Golf Day - Friday 7th Nov -
Bath Golf Club

Participants |

Winning Team
Shorty, Cares, Seward & The Mayor
89pts |

Winner
Seward 39pts!! |

Nearest Pin
Almize |

Longest Drive
Puffer |

Expectant father
Joe |
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The Swan Summer Golf Day - Sunday 24th Aug 2008 -
The Park - Crown
Course

Winner
Dangerous 44pts!! |

Runner up
Lewey 38pts |

Winning Team
Sid, Rowey, Dangerous & 007
99pts |

Longest Drive
Rowey |

Nearest Pin
Snooks |
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The Swan v Essex Golf Day - Friday August 1st 2008 -
The Kendleshire
Golf Terminolgy
A Diego
Maradonna - Nasty little five footer.
An Adolf Hitler - Taking two shots in a bunker
An O.J. Simpson - Somehow got away with it
A Kate Moss - A bit thin
A Salman Rushdie - An impossible read
A Rock Hudson - Thought it was straight, but it wasn't
The Durex shot - sexy, if you can pull it off.
A Gerry Adams - provisional
A Tony Blair - a bad lie
The Mrs Robinson shot - you
should not be taking it on but it just looks so very tempting.
A Michael Jackson - gradually fading
An Elvis - caught in a trap
A Dennis Wise - Another nasty little five footer. |
A Paula Radcliffe - Ugly,
but a good runner
A Kate Winslett - A bit fat but otherwise perfect
A Sister-in-law - Up there but I know that I shouldn't be
Putting like a gynaecologists assistant - Shaving the hole.
A Ladyboy - Looks like an easy hole but all may not be what it
seems
A Monica Lewinsky - All lip no hole
A Glen Miller - didn't get over the water
A Son-in-law" - not what you wanted, but it'll do
A Cuban - needed one more revolution
A Yasser Arafat - ugly and in the sand
An Anna Kournikova - looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Douglas Bader - no legs |

After his recent hole in one, we have received an email from Mr Knowles
which asks us to :
"point out
that Messrs Seward & Dangerous are yet to achieve this
feat!!!"
Current members of
the exclusive club:
Messrs. C Stone (twice), Carey, Short, Knowles (twice), Bryant, Ford (anyone else?) |
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The Swan Golf Tour 2008
May 8 to11

click on image for pics
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2008 Golf tour handicaps after final day
| Almize |
13.8 |
Darbs |
22.0 |
Fordy |
2.8 |
Shorty |
11.8 |
Seaweed |
0.9 |
Scary |
1.2 |
| Rowey |
4.0 |
Carts |
1.0 |
Stoney |
10.9 |
Dangerous |
6.2 |
Pig |
15.8 |
Snooks |
6.3 |
| Tubbs |
17.7 |
Puffer |
20.9 |
Joe |
31.0 |
Sid |
24.8 |
Lewey |
8.6 |
Barry |
16.8 |
| Britney |
9.8 |
The Mayor |
14.8 |
Coops |
25.0 |
Dags |
27.0 |
The Ferret |
17.4 |
007 |
19.0 |
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2007 Golf tour handicaps for the final
day (washed out)
| Almize |
13.4 |
Moggy |
18.2 |
Fordy |
1.0 |
Shorty |
12.2 |
Seaweed |
1.8 |
Scary |
3.6 |
| Rowey |
4.4 |
Badger |
15.0 |
Stoney |
11.8 |
Dangerous |
12,0 |
Pig |
20.5 |
Snooks |
9.3 |
| Tubbs |
17.7 |
Puffer |
22.7 |
Knowlsey |
19.8 |
Sid |
20.6 |
Lewey |
11.6 |
Pikey |
34.9 |
| Britney |
9.2 |
The Mayor |
16.0 |
Coops |
34.5 |
Dags |
25.0 |
The Ferret |
15.4 |
007 |
16.0 |
 The
Swan Golf Society was formed back in the early 1990's and organise
various society days out during the year, along with the infamous 4 day tour in
May ( going to Bournemouth in 2009).
We also play other pubs and currently hold the Swan v Essex salver which is
proudly displayed behind the bar (next to the golfing owl)! Current score Swan 4
Essex 0
Fixtures on the calendar include the summer golf day at the end of August
(usually the Sunday before the Bank Holiday), where the usual rubbish prizes are
there to be won. After the golf we return to The Swan for a BBQ and this
year we had a Karaoke session.
Quite a few of the regulars in the Swan are golfers and are members of local
clubs.
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